Autism In Real Life

Episode 4: Being Secure with your Own Insecurities

September 14, 2021 Ilia Walsh, Executive Director of The Spectrum Strategy Group
Autism In Real Life
Episode 4: Being Secure with your Own Insecurities

Hello, and welcome to the autism in real life podcast. In each episode, you'll get practical strategies by taking your journey into the joys and challenges of life with autism. I'm your host, Ilia Walsh, and I'm an educator and the parent of two young adults, one of which is on the autism spectrum. Join me as I share my experience and the experiences of others. So that we may see the unique gifts and talents of individuals on the autism spectrum, fully recognized.

Hello, everyone, and welcome. This is Ilia with the spectrum Strategy Group. And I welcome you today to this episode.

And what I really wanted to talk about today, I have a kind of a lot of things floating through my brain. I'm recording this on September 11. So some of you may know a little bit of my background or may have seen it or heard it in, in last season. But I actually used to work in lower Manhattan, I used to work at the World Trade Center. And I got my MBA there through a cooperative with the university that I was going to. So it's a really near and dear

sort of event today, especially on this 20th anniversary. And I would be you know remiss if I didn't address it head on, because it's something that I kind of work through every year, however, 20 years later. And you know, kind of seeing where I'm at and where the world is at. It kind of gives me a reason to take some time to kind of note some of my thoughts around and it kind of goes really well with some other ideas that I'd had for this episode. So I'm kind of motion a couple things together. But I think I think it kind of works because

because of the events on that day, 20 years ago, I really made a choice to do something different. And I remember working my way home on the train. And it was a very long as you would imagine process to get home that day. But I did make it home and I made it home safely. So I'm very grateful for that. But I made a conscious decision that I had to kind of do work differently. And I needed to be closer to my kids who were one in three at the time. So super little. And I didn't want to be commuting two hours each way to get into work. I wanted to spend more time with my family. And I also paused to think about was what I was doing at the time really fulfilling and was it really what I wanted to be doing. And I realized that I needed to make a change. And so that was when I decided to go back to school and figure out some way to be a teacher. And I looked at different programs, and I found one that would sort of bridge me from where I was having had no education background, and bridge me into a teaching program. And I was happy to find that and I took a huge leap of faith again, I talked about New Beginnings a couple of episodes ago, and you know, kind of just pushed all the chips into the middle of the table and said, This is what I'm doing now.

And and it worked. And I'm I was had a really good experience. And I knew that that was where I needed to be when I first set foot into my education classes. And, you know, as I moved through that process, I realized that my skills in training beforehand in the investment banking world was going to suit me well, and that I was going to somehow figure out how to kind of put it all together. And I think if it wasn't for that that experience on 911 20 years ago, I wouldn't be here right now.

Or some would say maybe that the path would have unfolded anyway, in some other way. But I think that's really what helped to bring me to where I am now. And it also kind of helped me to realize that I needed to be thankful for the people in my life. Every every moment and you know always say goodbye and say I love you when you're separating give

hugs, and do all those things that we should do with people that we care about. So we can honor them and recognize them. And let them know how important they are in our lives. And I think, you know, here we are now 20 years later. But we're in the midst of a pandemic, though, I think, in some ways, I'd love to say that we were alike at the end of it. And then I think in some ways we are, but we're still kind of in the midst of it. And again, we need to think about, at least in my opinion, I think we need to think about the people that we love, and the people that are around us. And remember that we again, need to let them know how we feel about them, and let them know how important they are in our lives. Because again, here we are, in the middle of a very, you know, surprise, we kind of caught off guard by

this experience of the pandemic, and

still kind of not knowing what the path ahead, Lee, you know, what the, what path lies ahead, I guess, and we're still in that place. And I think from a life perspective, right, we're always going to be in that place, we're not going to know what to expect. And, you know, I did a whole episode on expecting unexpected,

and how to kind of pull out some of the positive notes from what those experiences could look like. And also just in my own work, you know, in Yes, expecting the unexpected, and I've talked about being able to sit with discomfort.

One of the things that I was coming upon it, you know, I've had a major move. And I've, you know, gone through a lot of transition in the last few months. And, you know, all of that takes a toll on your, your body and your brain. And I think we're finally in a place where we were able to kind of just lay it, like, let it down, like kind of let everything go and sit and say, oh, okay, we're we've unpacked all the boxes, and we have gotten settled, at least physically.

And how are we feeling right now. And, you know, how we're feeling is, you know, sort of up and down depending on the day, and I think that is to be expected. And then also coming at the heels of this 20th anniversary for us and during a pandemic. So, you know, feeling a little bit tired and feeling a little bit

sort of spent is probably the word I can think of right now. And then recognizing that, you know, what, I often tend to when I feel in a place that is uncomfortable, or that I don't like how I'm feeling, I tend to want to figure out well, where is it coming from? And what what can I do about it? And, you know, how do I make it go away? Having had this conversation with my therapist,

you know, she reminds me that sometimes it's not about making the feeling go away. And sometimes it's about sitting with the feeling, which I've talked a little bit about before. But again, here it is, right? It's facing me again, saying, How do I just sit with this feeling and recognize that I won't always feel like this, and that it will pass? And then I have to also look at what is this trying to teach me? And what is? What is it that I can learn from this experience? And what do I do moving forward? And there's a lot of people, you know, on the news and on social media and talking about how

given that we're 20 years later, and given the challenges that we are facing right now, can we be unified again? Can we, you know, have that unified

stance, as we did, you know, as I say, on September 12, of 20 of 2001. And, you know, can? Can we have that hope because you know, that's who we are inherently as people. And I think we can be there. And I think there are many people trying to do that all along, not just now. And not just post September 11. So I think thinking about that and thinking about how we move forward day to day and

really acknowledge other human beings and what our experiences are and checking in on people. And making sure everyone is okay is super important. for a lot of reasons and not just for the obvious ones that we see in front of us right now. And, you know, I was, you know, again, talking to friends and talking to them.

Um, my therapist again, because you know, lately that's been a needed thing.

But she helps me sort of understand that one of the things that I value most about the people that I surround myself with, and the people that I feel most connected to, is, you know, people who are, and we started talking about this and it was more about, well, well, I feel more comfortable around people who are secure. And I kind of changed that frame. And I was like, No, no, I don't think it's about being secure. Everyone is insecure. We're all insecure, about different things. I said, but what I think I value most about the people that I love, and the people that are closest to me, is that most people are secure with their insecurities.

And that's where I strive to be is secure with my insecurities and knowing what they are facing them, talking about them, sharing them with trusted people, so that I can be more aware of them, and work through them, and not feel ashamed of them not feel afraid of that of those feelings are afraid of those insecurities. And as I face them more, right, they lessen, the insecurities lessen. And we don't, you know, look at them as much. And so I mean, I'm, I'm hoping that that's true for most people. And again, even though for me, it works, often, it's it doesn't feel like it's all the time and sometimes for me, it doesn't feel like it's fast enough or happening quickly enough. But again, a human and a work in progress, always. So I take those little steps, and I recognize that we all have insecurities, and that I strive to be secure with my insecurities and face them down. And then be able to share them with other people. And hopefully, it allows space and comfort for other people to be able to do the same thing and share what their insecurities are. And be able to get the support they need from the people who they care about, and the people who they surround themselves with. And if you find you're not getting that support, right, then we need to sometimes look at the people that we surround ourselves with. So I really, you know, just sort of check in to think about, you know, being secure with your insecurities. And sometimes you still have to uncover those. And those, again, I think is a progress, and sort of a lifelong journey of uncovering what your insecurities are. And then being able to, you know, sort of look at them, and be with them and acknowledge them. And hopefully some of them, you can kind of have a rest. And then we can kind of, you know, put them to the side. And then if they rear their head again, which they will, you can say, you know, yeah, I see you. You're here again, I got it. And yeah, this is part of who I am. But maybe you manage it differently that time. Maybe just in the acknowledgement that you realize you're in that place, again, is a big step. I know for me, sometimes that's the case as well. Sometimes I didn't even know I would be in a place of feeling insecure. And now I can at least recognize that sometimes. So with that, I hope that you have a wonderful week and that you kind of think about looking at your again, looking at what some of your insecurities might be and figuring out ways to, to sit with them and hold them. And I look forward to talking to you all soon. Okay, talk to you soon. Take care. Bye.

Thanks for listening to autism in real life. This is Ilia Walsh. And if you like the show, please hit subscribe so you can get notified each time a new episode is released. I also offer training consultations and parent coaching. I would love to help you in any way that I can. You can check out my offerings at the spectrum strategy calm and when you join my email list. You can get a code to receive a discount off of an online class or a coaching session. Looking forward to hearing from you Take care and see you next time.

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